Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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