im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
