sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i believe in u and ur pee
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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