im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
accomplished twins. life is a go
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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