she was so not down for the gang bang
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
