Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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