I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
