i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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