Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
