I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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