at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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