its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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