great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize