Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
