Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
