We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
