I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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