i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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