We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
