I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
