Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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