I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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