You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
