Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
