can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize