i just wanna soil my oats bro
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
