I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
