I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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