It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
