Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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