No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
