so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
