she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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