my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
