the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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