when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
