her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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