Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Are my feet made of real feet?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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