I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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