Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize