the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My hand turned me down
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
