He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
