I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
being pregnant is like rehab
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
