Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
