nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
