Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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