but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
