Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
