no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
