I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
