Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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