I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize