I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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