The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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