Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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