So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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