dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
