I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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