Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
